Riding out the downs of culture shock

I have nothing but good things to say about adventures, about throwing yourself into life, about following dreams with obsession if not blind, then at least consuming. That’s what you want to hear about, I’m sure, it’s why you’re reading this blog.

But please excuse me, if you would, a paragraph or two about the darker side – not the bad side, because I don’t believe that exists – but the times when where you are is too far, and you are very alone in a very big world.

It’s all part of the adventure, and I know it – I’ve been here before, I know how it looks and that it’s not forever. But it doesn’t matter: each time is like the first. Doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been down that road, it’s still the same.

Today is the day when everything is harder. I couldn’t download a very important file and got told off for asking it to be compressed, then got up early expressly to get to café with high speed internet and nope, doesn’t work there either. Followed shortly by a lunch in which I got told all the reasons why I can’t do what I want to do, with all the excuses I’ve heard before: not enough funding, people won’t be receptive, yada yada yada.

Frustration is not good for culture shock. The thoughts running through my head as I biked to work were not charitable in any way: I am tired of being the only white girl, of the Cambodian men shouting “Hey Lady!” at me from the street when I’m biking by and being stared at like a zoo exhibit. Tired of the heat. Plus I’m still hung up on things that don’t matter at all anymore and that I can’t do anything about anyway, stuck on words that can’t do anything but drive me crazy, and nothing really to do about it but wait it out.

Thankfully, I know that none of this is permanent, and soon enough – probably tomorrow – all will have changed, and the adrenaline of adventure will return, the excitement and the stars. Soon enough the things in my head driving me batty will have vanished to the dusty corners with all such similar things, soon enough the wall will break down, soon enough ---

It’s just the cycle of things. Times when it’s easy, times when it’s hard, times when you just want to go home and stay where you are, all at the same time.