I came here with some vague ideas of what I wanted to accomplish, besides teaching -- I thought, sometime in the winter I'll produce something, though what the something was was a bit uncertain.
I had heard some things about Cambodian classical dance, and knew I wanted to do something with it, learn it, and fuse it somehow with my own background. Simple enough, but I had a certain attitude about, a very western developed kind of attitude, that somehow my work would be essential in advancing the form. That part of my 'mission' was indeed to help develop and expand the classical structure.
There's nothing wrong with that; and indeed, many Khmer people I talked to about it seemed to be saying the same thing, that the form needed to be modernized. Aren't I special, I thought.
But there have been some things happening the past week that have been shifting my focus, not drastically but dramatically, small shifts that affect everything.
The first was a conversation with the program director at CLA, who loved my idea and even offered the suggestion -- which I love -- of taking a good long time in the studio with my collaborator in order to really find that true fusion. However, she did offer a word of caution: the Ministry of Culture, she said, can get a little sensitive about the idea of 'developing' the form, as they are just trying to keep it alive period, worried about losing thousands of years of culture and tradition. Something that nearly happened during the Khmer Rouge.
The next, was the realization at some point during one of my workshops that I have some very talented dancers there, kids who are really great movers. Suddenly I thought, what if they were my dancers, and not some expat professionals? They get a professional performance opportunity, it forces me to learn enough Khmer to lead a rehearsal, and they bring me a Khmer audience. It seemed right, and felt good.
The third was the Cambodia is not for sale film, when suddenly I looked at myself as the westerner, well-meaning but utterly oblivious to the reality, exactly what our development efforts do and the destruction they could wreak. It is not my place, I realized suddenly, to develop anything, to make something make progress. What I can do is simply investigate this fusion, just to see what happens.
The last was a highly dramatic story involving someone who was going to give me contacts and then apparently, for some crazy reasons of the heart that I haven't quite figured out, deciding that we were no longer friends and thus leaving me with no access at all to the contacts. But the thing is -- they were expats. They were expat ideas, that people are already doing here, like doing performances in clubs.
I thought this morning, you know, if they aren't available, then that is not where I should be looking. In fact, everywhere I turn, it is leading me away from the expat community, away from the westerners giving shows for the westerners. It is telling me less about how I can influence the Cambodian classical dance and more how much it can influence me.
The shift is enormous. I am still doing the same thing, still trying to make the fusion, but everything has changed. I am not looking to develop anything at all, just investigate. Not do the expat thing, but do something entirely new, something that doesn't need to be western or Khmer or cater to one or the either, but a true fusion, in everything -- from the dancers, to the choreography, to the production itself.
I can't wait to see where it takes me.
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