America and Unpopular Opinions

I don't often like to post on politics, especially American. But I was thinking about this subject the other day and especially since a friend asked me for my thoughts on America now that I've lived abroad for close to two years. My thoughts change and evolve and will continue to do so, and I feel like I always need to make a distinction between America The Country and the America I knew growing up, that the Grand Culture is not necessarily life and people on a daily basis.

It's also true, however, that America The Country cannot be ignored, and in light of recent events, I want to post this -- two honest, and probably unpopular, opinions that I'm still hesitating if I want to publish or not.

There was another mass shooting the other day. The shooter was young, disturbed. All three of his automatic guns were purchased legally. In the aftermath, people act surprised that it's happened again, this thing that has become a cultural archetype and occurs regularly, every few months or so. The media gleefully portrays the grieving families, does exposés on the shooter, his parents, his life. He becomes famous. His writings are published. People cry that this must be the last time.

It won't be the last time.

The NRA will push for more guns. Legally concealed weapons. People will shout that guns don't kill people, people kill people. The issue might reach Congress, but the politicians will hem and haw, occasionally take a strong stance, but back off when their campaign funding runs low when half their constituents disagree and gun rights groups void their checks.

Sound and fury. Nothing will change. Take away our guns, people will say, and you might as well open our borders, pull back the military. We Will Not Be Safe.

Cambodia is a crazy country. But I confess to feeling safer here than I do in the States. The culture of gun rights, which has fabricated an entire cultural archetype of mass shootings, makes me sick.

That brings me to another very unpopular opinion, and one which I actually do hesitate to bring up here or anywhere. That's on the subject of the military, and this pervasive glorification of military might that is rampant across America. Criticize Washington all you like, but the moment you open your mouth against the military, best watch out.

I have no doubt that the soldiers serving in the military are, for the most part, respectable and courageous individuals. I just question the fundamental reason why America needs such an enormous military. I used to hear people say, all over, thank you to the brave men and women out there keeping us safe.

I don't know what the military all over the world does on a daily basis. I don't know what would happen if they weren't there. I don't personally think that life as we know it would collapse and the next world war would start post-haste, but I don't know that.

But what I want is for someone -- honestly and without the blinders of pride and glory -- to explain to me Why. Why having an enormous military all over the world and playing protectorate in countries in an attempt to make them mini-Americas and unanimously and unquestioningly supporting whatever they do actually keeps me safe on a daily basis.

Sometimes I look at America and I do see the land of opportunity. Rarely these days, and at the moment, all I see is a nation run on money and arrogance, with military might, guns, and violence held up as the pillars of security and prosperity. I'm not even going to get into the education system and how it spits out millions of young graduates every year in huge holes of debt, already in over their heads.

Sure. That's not the whole truth of it. But it's reason enough for me choose, simply enough, to take my feet from those shores and settle my roots elsewhere.

Finding the path, and the dance

Today marks the end of seven weeks on the 100 days of dance project and the halfway point. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to post this there or here but decided on here -- the other place is just for the pictures. I wanted to write this, however, to talk about the interesting fact that the 100DOD project comes at a time in which I'm feeling less and less confident in the amount of dance actually happening here.

We are now in the fifth month of the year, inexplicably (where HAS this year gone, anyway?). In two short months, I will celebrate my two year anniversary of living here, a full year and a half longer than I originally planned. Clearly something has kept me here -- but that "something" continues and will most certainly continue to evolve.

One of the reasons that I originally decided to stay longer in Cambodia was because I felt like there were an incredible amount of opportunities in dance. Because contemporary dance is so new, I felt like there was huge opportunity for me to do some very cool things, things I wouldn't get the chance to do elsewhere.

That is all true, and remains true to this day. I choreograph for national television on a weekly basis and have had the opportunity to choreograph and perform for numerous occasions. That in itself is huge.

However, I'm beginning to understand something: there isn't actually that much contemporary dance here, and very few trained dancers. The main power is Amrita and apart from that, there isn't much. Some of the Amrita dancers have their own small groups -- mostly with other Amrita dancers -- that perform in clubs or at other special events. Of the five dancers I was working with briefly last year, I realized that three of them were already established artists and were extraordinarily busy -- a mix of singing, classical dance, classical singing, their own contemporary groups, etc. Another was in the same boat, except in the hip hop/pop singer universe. As such, they were completely unreliable and managed to come to the absolute minimum of rehearsals required. It was only one -- Dara, who remains one of the most talented dancers I've seen to date -- who I was really able to work with.

Another reality -- and I don't think this is just Cambodia, but all over the world -- is that people talk a lot. Things seem more doable here because it's cheaper, but the fact remains that a great majority of the projects I was so excited for this year fell out from underneath my feet. People -- including me -- have big ideas, but then something happens or something comes up, and they just don't seem so doable anymore.

I can't deny, however, that Cambodia is growing ridiculously quickly (the amount this city changes on a daily basis gives me whiplash), and there are great opportunities. But it is interesting to me that in a year in which I feel much less certain about what I can do here is when this 100DOD project came to mind -- a project designed, in fact, to showcase the amount of dance.

Maybe in some ways I needed to remind myself.

I'm also not rushing for the airport. What's keeping me here is not necessarily the promise of fantastic opportunities, but the simple fact that Phnom Penh is home. Somehow and inexplicably, it is. It's chaotic and messy and completely corrupt and crazy, but it's comfortable (I don't know how that works either).

Instead of focusing on Cambodia, now, however, I'm looking out -- to international dance festivals in the region for the moment, maybe in the broader Asia region later. Whenever I get my showreel together I'll start trying to get some residencies or short term work with companies. But in the meantime, keep Cambodia as a base. A place to settle -- for now.

And as this 100 days of dance project has shown me...there's still plenty to do here.