Gillian v. Herself: Dealing with Culture Shock

I noticed something interesting today, in how I’m dealing with the new culture.

I decided, as I usually do, to jump into this new adventure with both feet, full immersion. To the market right away, on my own on the bike, learning Khmer, eating the local food. It’s a sure way to get used to what’s going on and I’m proud of it.

However, today I was craving the West and the familiar, and decided to spend some time in a western style coffee shop, on the internet and on the phone with my parents. I had been planning not to do that until Sunday, letting that day be my day to spend in a familiar environment.

There are two opposing factions in my head. There is the one that is almost ashamed of having given in, the one that is so upset with the stereotypical tourist and ex-pat that remains constantly in the Western areas that she tries desperately to do the exact opposite. She’s the one who thinks the best way to deal with the shock is to just continue on, and soon enough it will become normal.

Then there is the other faction, who thinks that it is perfectly okay to seek refuge in the Western style when faced with an overwhelmingly new life, and not only perfectly okay but perfectly understandable. She thinks that so long as it does not become a crutch, or a habit, or otherwise impede the experience of the country, there is absolutely nothing wrong with retreating to one’s roots.

The two are just about equal, and while one does seem more reasonable – the latter – I just can’t discount the former, the embodiment of my come-hell-or-high-water, obsessive self that throws herself into life with a verve some may call utter insanity.

I’m trying to compromise the two halves by having internet installed in my apartment. That way, I don’t have to always go to those western cafés for internet but remain in touch with the world I left behind. I think it’s a very healthy compromise and may appease that violent adventurer.

I guess I just need to convince my obsessive self that you can have the cake and eat it too, that it is possible to be fully engaged in the life and the culture here and yet still irrevocably rooted in the place we come from. I will always be western, and as much as I try otherwise, I will always be American. I can’t erase that self. I just need to learn how to keep it, nurture it, and yet remain open to the influences of the culture around me.

It’s not an easy job, and goes against my instinct. But I think I have to learn, because I have a suspicion that the only way to fully immerse myself in the newness of this place is to be perfectly grounded in where I came.

Certainly, it’s something to work on…