Monday, December 10, 2012

Sibling/Sweetheart: The more confusing nuances of the Khmer language

In Khmer, you call people different things depending on their age in relation to you. There's no real equivalent in English except maybe "Sir" or "Ma'am" as a sign of respect. However, in a culture with family as the central unit, everyone is part of the family, sister or brother, or aunt and uncle.

The one you hear most often is "bong", which is used for anyone older than you but roughly in the same generation. It can mean sister or brother, sometimes to avoid confusion "bong bproh" or "bong srey" (older brother, older sister). When trying to translate, Khmer people often call me "sister", which is much nicer than "lady" as you get on the street, or "madame" which I hear sometimes, and one time "sir" (after which the guy seemed surprised I didn't say anything back!)

If someone is younger than you, you say "oun" (like 'own'), which means younger brother or sister. For those much older, the men are "pu", or uncle, and the women are "ming", or aunt, though someone once told me  you should always call women "bong" to avoid insulting them.

Often people will ask how old you are so they know the appropriate way to call you. Somewhat confused by the whole thing, I asked what you do when the person in question is right around your age, in which case apparently you just use the name.

However, that isn't the most confusing thing, as "bong" and "oun" can quite confusedly also mean "honey" or "sweetheart." In a relationship, the woman calls the man "bong" and refers to herself as "oun," and vice versa. While I have all sorts of things to say about how this sets up the hierarchy of the relationship, it certainly does throw a wrench in things.

Apparently, to avoid confusion, a guy friend will call a girl "pah-oun". I can't remember if there's a way to avoid confusion for the opposite situation, probably just with the name, or with someone older than you, you can default to "pu", but that also seems strange to me.

I have not yet figured out why in the world the same word means brother/sister and sweetheart, and naturally you could make all sorts of nasty jokes about it but I'm sure in the end there's a reason for it. To me it is heartily confusing.

Generally speaking, I call the students I know are at least four or five years younger than me "oun", four or five years older than me "bong", and names in between. I'm trying to be careful about what I call the servers as sometimes I'm pretty sure they are younger than me. The instinct to guess ages to know the proper title is definitely going to be ingrained soon if not already.

And in the meantime, hope I don't accidentally call anyone sweetheart. Or if I do, it's obvious that I actually mean brother or sister.

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