Yes, I know.
I haven't posted in months. Two and a half, to be precise.
This post is not a post. I would like to tell you everything that's happened and more, every moment that has passed, every stunning second.
But I can't. There are no words that can describe them, and to try and force them inside the box of language would be a disservice to you, me, and the memories. I will tell you, if you want, when you see me again, and hope that you can see what I truly mean in my eyes.
I could tell you the sketch, the outline -- this party, that party, this job, that trip, this meeting. But you would miss the underneath, the way it's shaping me and the way I'm learning from each moment.
No, this is eyes only.
Oh hell, this is impossible. I can't tell you, even if I wanted to, because I don't know how. I wouldn't know where to start, where to end, and where to go in the middle. So let me tell you that I am lost, and I found absolutely everything.
Cheers.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
A new style, just for Paris
I am going to spend too much money on clothes. I have absolutely NO idea how I'm getting everything home (answer: I probably won't).
However, all I have in my wardrobe is winter clothes, and seeing as the weather is getting nice, that had to change. And while I was at it, I decided to go ahead and continue a style transformation that I've been working on and am just crazy about.
So here are my yeses for the season -- and a new, Parisian, rock and roll Gillian:
yes to natural hair color , no to blonde
yes to eyeliner
yes to bijoux (jewelry), especially clunky -- rings, bracelets,necklaces
yes to jeans and jean shorts
yes to light scarves
yes to plaid
yes to easy breezy tops
yes to edgy, yes to rock and roll, yes to chunky watches and the top few buttons undone
yes to androgyny and blazers and fedoras
yes to the look at me if you dare, swagger when you walk attitude!!!!
However, all I have in my wardrobe is winter clothes, and seeing as the weather is getting nice, that had to change. And while I was at it, I decided to go ahead and continue a style transformation that I've been working on and am just crazy about.
So here are my yeses for the season -- and a new, Parisian, rock and roll Gillian:
yes to natural hair color , no to blonde
yes to eyeliner
yes to bijoux (jewelry), especially clunky -- rings, bracelets,necklaces
yes to jeans and jean shorts
yes to light scarves
yes to plaid
yes to easy breezy tops
yes to edgy, yes to rock and roll, yes to chunky watches and the top few buttons undone
yes to androgyny and blazers and fedoras
yes to the look at me if you dare, swagger when you walk attitude!!!!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Some time to breathe (and work on that paper)
I haven't updated in forever. I didn't bother to check how long but I know we're looking at three or four weeks. I apologize for my laziness but I have a good excuse: I very honestly have not had the time.
I performed with my choreography workshop at Paris 7 last week -- the 5 and 6 april -- as well as my solo on the 6th. The weeks before that were packed with rehearsals and a lot of various errands. I was trying to see people before the vacation and also get some work done on my research paper. It is going very slowly, though I do have an outline now. I also have three books just to start with and really, really need to get writing. That's what these next couple days are for, at least that's the plan. I was going to start today and then decided that I could take one day to just chill -- so I slept in, cleaned my room, did some groceries, got my haircut -- you know, the essentials.
The show, by the way, went really well. I had about ten friends who came to see me. The piece with Paris 7 was 30 minutes long and was an exploration of light -- we had all sorts of awesome special effects with the infrared camera -- like the traces of heat on the floor, echoes of dancers behind them...hard to explain, but it turned out really cool. The only problem was that we only rehearsed with all the special effects the afternoon of opening night and so naturally during the show, for whatever reason, the music completely cut out for about two minutes. We got it figured out eventually -- at least the techies did -- and the second night was just perfect. We took two curtain calls as planned and then were forced to come back for a third one because everyone was still clapping. It was really cool.
My solo was also much better received than the first time I danced it, though I did crash down on a few joints a little harder than I might have liked-- ah well, nobody noticed and they'll heal.
The theatre was a little strange -- we were the last show to perform there before they tear it down and there was a general sense that the techies had stopped caring. The first day of rehearsal the stage was absolutely disgustingly dirty and there were various cigarette butts thrown on the floor in the audience. I was not at all impressed but they did clean it up before the show, thank god. Otherwise it was kind of falling apart, but what hey.
A buffet was provided both nights for the dancers and it was actually really extraordinary. My dad was super impressed, and me too! It was like an extravaganza of bite size amazing little things.
Oh yes, the other major thing that happened was that my Dad came to Paris for a visit -- wednesday to wednesday. I put him on the train back to Charles de Gaulle at 9:15 this morning before going back to bed, rather reluctantly. A week is far too short to catch up seven months worth of talking and hanging out. The first couple days he was here, I had to get used to having someone else in my life, but once that got straightened out, it was wonderful and I didn't want him to leave.
We didn't do the tourist thing -- well, not really. We walked by the Louvre, the Tuileries, Avenue de Champs-Elysée, Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower...but just to see them. We also went to the musée Rodin and musée de quai branly...and for the rest of the time? We ate. And drank. And ate some more. A bistrot for lunch, coffee and/or a beer in the afternoon, and then in a restaurant at night. We ate a lot and well and talked and talked and talked...it was really wonderful.
In any case, I leave for Italy on Monday evening and will be staying for a full week. I am not taking my computer and will not be updating. However, when I get back I do promise to post pictures and tell you all about it.
until next time.
I performed with my choreography workshop at Paris 7 last week -- the 5 and 6 april -- as well as my solo on the 6th. The weeks before that were packed with rehearsals and a lot of various errands. I was trying to see people before the vacation and also get some work done on my research paper. It is going very slowly, though I do have an outline now. I also have three books just to start with and really, really need to get writing. That's what these next couple days are for, at least that's the plan. I was going to start today and then decided that I could take one day to just chill -- so I slept in, cleaned my room, did some groceries, got my haircut -- you know, the essentials.
The show, by the way, went really well. I had about ten friends who came to see me. The piece with Paris 7 was 30 minutes long and was an exploration of light -- we had all sorts of awesome special effects with the infrared camera -- like the traces of heat on the floor, echoes of dancers behind them...hard to explain, but it turned out really cool. The only problem was that we only rehearsed with all the special effects the afternoon of opening night and so naturally during the show, for whatever reason, the music completely cut out for about two minutes. We got it figured out eventually -- at least the techies did -- and the second night was just perfect. We took two curtain calls as planned and then were forced to come back for a third one because everyone was still clapping. It was really cool.
My solo was also much better received than the first time I danced it, though I did crash down on a few joints a little harder than I might have liked-- ah well, nobody noticed and they'll heal.
The theatre was a little strange -- we were the last show to perform there before they tear it down and there was a general sense that the techies had stopped caring. The first day of rehearsal the stage was absolutely disgustingly dirty and there were various cigarette butts thrown on the floor in the audience. I was not at all impressed but they did clean it up before the show, thank god. Otherwise it was kind of falling apart, but what hey.
A buffet was provided both nights for the dancers and it was actually really extraordinary. My dad was super impressed, and me too! It was like an extravaganza of bite size amazing little things.
Oh yes, the other major thing that happened was that my Dad came to Paris for a visit -- wednesday to wednesday. I put him on the train back to Charles de Gaulle at 9:15 this morning before going back to bed, rather reluctantly. A week is far too short to catch up seven months worth of talking and hanging out. The first couple days he was here, I had to get used to having someone else in my life, but once that got straightened out, it was wonderful and I didn't want him to leave.
We didn't do the tourist thing -- well, not really. We walked by the Louvre, the Tuileries, Avenue de Champs-Elysée, Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower...but just to see them. We also went to the musée Rodin and musée de quai branly...and for the rest of the time? We ate. And drank. And ate some more. A bistrot for lunch, coffee and/or a beer in the afternoon, and then in a restaurant at night. We ate a lot and well and talked and talked and talked...it was really wonderful.
In any case, I leave for Italy on Monday evening and will be staying for a full week. I am not taking my computer and will not be updating. However, when I get back I do promise to post pictures and tell you all about it.
until next time.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
A Day in the Life, I think
Friday, 25 March
I didn't go to class this morning -- well, that is the classes I'm supposed to be teaching. I didn't go because I had a hunch that my students wouldn't show up. I was right, by the way.
But either way I had been planning to sleep in, but was wide awake by nine thirty -- an aftereffect, I suppose, of being up at that time pretty much every day of the week. Yes, I know, it's not early, but I was hoping to sleep in more. Ah well; when it became clear that I wasn't going back to sleep, I got up.
Another sunny day -- they are becoming more and more common and I couldn't be happier. Someone told me that Paris is a different city in the spring and I don't doubt it. Already now, with the buds coming out and the sun, the world just seems to be breathing a giant sigh of relief, finally having gotten out of the prison of the imposing grey. Warm, too -- 17 degrees Celsius. While I have no idea what that translates to in farenheit, it means warm, it means I don't have to put on a jacket.
I took my time getting ready -- bringing my computer into the bathroom while I showered so I could listen to music, as I like to do whenever I have time to take my time. A nice breakfast, with a little extra coffee - I made it a bit too strong this morning, but drank it anyway, I don't really care that much.
In all I dawdled so much that I was ready to go about 11h30, which was when I wanted to leave anyway. I didn't have class until 14h10 (at the high school), but wanted to eat lunch. While it isn't always the greatest, it's free and I get to hang out with my friends. After lunch, I had an hour to prepare for my class -- "prepare" -- and used it to work on my research project, slogging through a book about the origins of dance in hopes of finding something useful for my work on duets.
NOTE:
In the time between when the above was written and now, on the following Tuesday, I became incredibly distracted by life, and was barely at home during the weekend -- and when I was, it was in a dehydrated mess on saturday night. I slept for the afternoon/evening, excepting a brief stint awake to watch the Bourne Identity and munch on cereal.
With that said I no longer have any clue what I was talking about or where I was planning to go with the post above. I believe it was going to be another day in the life, which works better when you remember everything about the day. But I will attempt to reconstruct it, just for kicks and giggles.
==
When I got to class, the students having rather surprisingly decided to show up today, we first went into the little room that I usually use and started in the normal fashion, having them introduce themselves to me and I to them, seeing as I rarely have the same group twice.
I was going to have them do this little language game that I usually do, where they create little creative scenarios based on prompts -- but right away I just felt this wall of negative energy and resistance. They didn't like the scenarios, they didn't like the idea, they were bored, and I was generally wasting their time.
Screw this, I thought. I don't want to be miserable for an hour. "Am I allowed to take you guys outside?" Immediately, I had their attention. Yes, they said. "Seriously?" Yep, seriously. "Then let's go."
With that, we left. We went to a little park nearby and settled down on the grass. Screw the scenarios, I thought, even I'm bored with them. So I started asking questions; what series did they watch, what kind of music did they like, what did they think was the stereotypical american. We sat in the sun and chatted for awhile. Simple. I don't know if they were convinced but it was a hell of a lot better than it could have been.
After that I stayed at the high school and worked for a couple hours -- I would have gone home normally, but one of the teachers had invited me to a little apéro at his apartment and we took the bus together at the end of the day. The apartment was tiny, 30 square meters-- not sure how that translates but very small in other words. There was 6 of us for the apéro, though for the first few hours it was only 4.
Oh yes, did I mention? Un apéro is technically a before dinner drink. This one started at 6pm. I left around 11h30. Oh we certainly ate enough -- cherry tomatoes with homemade mayo, toasts with some sort of spread that was really good but I never figured out what it was, open faced sandwiches with salmon or some kind of charcuterie, more sandwiches, and finally a tarte framboise -- raspberry tart. And in between -- kirs (cherry alcohol and white wine), a homemade cocktail with special Chilean alcohol, and plain old red wine. And cigarettes.
I swear my days are not always this exciting. Take saturday -- I stumbled out of bed, took the metro in the wrong direction on my transfer, and got to rehearsal late (it started,in theory, at 10, though when I got there everyone was having breakfast and coffee. Apparently I wasn't the only one exhausted). 5 hours of dance, an absolutely disgusting salad I bought from the supermarket -- never again -- and then I was home, nauseous, exhausted, etc. Dehydrated. A 5 hour nap, a movie break, and back to bed.
Well anyway. Columbia housing sent me an e-mail and my first thought was that they wrote the date backward. Oh dear.
I have my show in a week and am therefore in rehearsal a LOT, plus various other projects, including my research, which needs to have an outline by thursday. Eep. Busy and busy and it's the end of March already and what?!
I didn't go to class this morning -- well, that is the classes I'm supposed to be teaching. I didn't go because I had a hunch that my students wouldn't show up. I was right, by the way.
But either way I had been planning to sleep in, but was wide awake by nine thirty -- an aftereffect, I suppose, of being up at that time pretty much every day of the week. Yes, I know, it's not early, but I was hoping to sleep in more. Ah well; when it became clear that I wasn't going back to sleep, I got up.
Another sunny day -- they are becoming more and more common and I couldn't be happier. Someone told me that Paris is a different city in the spring and I don't doubt it. Already now, with the buds coming out and the sun, the world just seems to be breathing a giant sigh of relief, finally having gotten out of the prison of the imposing grey. Warm, too -- 17 degrees Celsius. While I have no idea what that translates to in farenheit, it means warm, it means I don't have to put on a jacket.
I took my time getting ready -- bringing my computer into the bathroom while I showered so I could listen to music, as I like to do whenever I have time to take my time. A nice breakfast, with a little extra coffee - I made it a bit too strong this morning, but drank it anyway, I don't really care that much.
In all I dawdled so much that I was ready to go about 11h30, which was when I wanted to leave anyway. I didn't have class until 14h10 (at the high school), but wanted to eat lunch. While it isn't always the greatest, it's free and I get to hang out with my friends. After lunch, I had an hour to prepare for my class -- "prepare" -- and used it to work on my research project, slogging through a book about the origins of dance in hopes of finding something useful for my work on duets.
NOTE:
In the time between when the above was written and now, on the following Tuesday, I became incredibly distracted by life, and was barely at home during the weekend -- and when I was, it was in a dehydrated mess on saturday night. I slept for the afternoon/evening, excepting a brief stint awake to watch the Bourne Identity and munch on cereal.
With that said I no longer have any clue what I was talking about or where I was planning to go with the post above. I believe it was going to be another day in the life, which works better when you remember everything about the day. But I will attempt to reconstruct it, just for kicks and giggles.
==
When I got to class, the students having rather surprisingly decided to show up today, we first went into the little room that I usually use and started in the normal fashion, having them introduce themselves to me and I to them, seeing as I rarely have the same group twice.
I was going to have them do this little language game that I usually do, where they create little creative scenarios based on prompts -- but right away I just felt this wall of negative energy and resistance. They didn't like the scenarios, they didn't like the idea, they were bored, and I was generally wasting their time.
Screw this, I thought. I don't want to be miserable for an hour. "Am I allowed to take you guys outside?" Immediately, I had their attention. Yes, they said. "Seriously?" Yep, seriously. "Then let's go."
With that, we left. We went to a little park nearby and settled down on the grass. Screw the scenarios, I thought, even I'm bored with them. So I started asking questions; what series did they watch, what kind of music did they like, what did they think was the stereotypical american. We sat in the sun and chatted for awhile. Simple. I don't know if they were convinced but it was a hell of a lot better than it could have been.
After that I stayed at the high school and worked for a couple hours -- I would have gone home normally, but one of the teachers had invited me to a little apéro at his apartment and we took the bus together at the end of the day. The apartment was tiny, 30 square meters-- not sure how that translates but very small in other words. There was 6 of us for the apéro, though for the first few hours it was only 4.
Oh yes, did I mention? Un apéro is technically a before dinner drink. This one started at 6pm. I left around 11h30. Oh we certainly ate enough -- cherry tomatoes with homemade mayo, toasts with some sort of spread that was really good but I never figured out what it was, open faced sandwiches with salmon or some kind of charcuterie, more sandwiches, and finally a tarte framboise -- raspberry tart. And in between -- kirs (cherry alcohol and white wine), a homemade cocktail with special Chilean alcohol, and plain old red wine. And cigarettes.
I swear my days are not always this exciting. Take saturday -- I stumbled out of bed, took the metro in the wrong direction on my transfer, and got to rehearsal late (it started,in theory, at 10, though when I got there everyone was having breakfast and coffee. Apparently I wasn't the only one exhausted). 5 hours of dance, an absolutely disgusting salad I bought from the supermarket -- never again -- and then I was home, nauseous, exhausted, etc. Dehydrated. A 5 hour nap, a movie break, and back to bed.
Well anyway. Columbia housing sent me an e-mail and my first thought was that they wrote the date backward. Oh dear.
I have my show in a week and am therefore in rehearsal a LOT, plus various other projects, including my research, which needs to have an outline by thursday. Eep. Busy and busy and it's the end of March already and what?!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Six months and ?? days: Looking back and looking forward
This post is going to be somewhat introspective -- I apologize in advance if that bores you.
As the title suggests, I've now been in Paris over six months. If I actually stop to think and calculate -- it's been six months and twelve days, or in other words, exactly 195 days. That's not forever, nor is it a short time. In a lifetime, it's nothing, of course, but I consider it a good lifetime anyway.
While I don't do it very often, I have adopted the Parisian habit of having a cigarette and contemplating life -- sometimes just stepping out on the balcony just before the sun goes down and watching the sky change while the cigarette burns away -- it's a very zen moment, shall we say. Well, today I was taking a smoke break; I should have been working, but was instead waiting for my computer to load the latest Glee episode, and was out on the balcony --- and had a moment.
It struck me suddenly how far away Paris used to be to me. I remembered this summer, thinking about how far and exotic Paris was and would be. How stressful the visa process was, and how I used to freak out -- quietly or otherwise -- whenever I thought about how soon I was leaving, and for how long. It just seemed strange to me, in that moment, now so deeply entrenched in the Parisian life -- how far away it used to be.
Sometimes I remember conversations I had before I left and I have to remind myself that they were in English. Yes, it's strange, and I notice it -- I think, no wait, that was in English. That was before I spoke French daily and the vast majority of my conversations were in my natural tongue -- and somehow, that seems really strange to me now. Sometimes even here I have to remind myself that the people talking French to each other are actually talking in their natural language. Invariably, I think about when I'll have to do that, and it always seems strange.
Yesterday I called the toll free number on student universe to officially change my plane ticket from May 31st to August 1st. I got a recording saying that due to the tsunami in Japan their phone services are limited. What Japan has to do with student universe is beyond me, and makes me quite apprehensive for when I actually DO get on the phone with a representative -- somebody, no doubt, in Japan -- but it's no big deal, I can wait. It just seemed like a big step -- official. By the time I leave, it will be eleven full months.
And now? Is Paris far away?
It's far in the sense that I have to calculate somewhere between 6-8 hours of time change if I want to talk to my family or friends. It's far in that it's now been a REALLY long time since I've seen these people, and while with Skype it's like they're just on the other side of the screen, hiding behind your computer -- it's not the same. I had a friend from Columbia in town this weekend and there is nothing like having them there, real and breathing and just taking up space, moving the air. In that way, yes, I suppose it's far.
But these days I can't imagine being anywhere else. It's like sometimes I think about where Paris is on the map and how I'm practically on the other side of the world from where I grew up -- but it doesn't matter anymore. The people I'm surrounded by have been here, for the most part, their whole lives, and so have I. It's like I can't conceptualize the distance between me and where home used to be, but all I know is I'm here and living here is as easy as breathing.
Thank god I wasn't ever tempted to go just for the semester.
One thing about having a time limit -- something I know far, far, far too well -- is that no matter what you're doing, it stays with you. Or at least, it tries to. It's like the more fun you have, you know the harder it will be to leave. And so I suppose I have the choice -- but for me it's not a choice. If I leave my soul behind in Paris, well, then so be it. But it's true that sometimes I have trouble not thinking about it -- about the fact that February absolutely vanished on me and now we're halfway through March and I'm now over half done with my time here. Booking my flight for August 1st means that on August 1st I'll be boarding a giant ass jet with two giant ass suitcases that can't possibly hold my life here. It means that life goes on.
Before I left, I sometimes had the strange thought that the people I know won't recognize me when I come back. Of course that's not true, but recently I've been thinking that, in some ways, it's true. The girl who I was when I left will never come back, because she doesn't exist anymore. The one who's coming back -- well, you'll see. She'll the same person you always knew, but she's nothing like her. It's hard to explain.
I think I've said this before, but sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to build a life somewhere and then finish it --- instead of leaving when the bloom is just on the rose, so to speak. But I guess that's not really fair -- because maybe on August 1st, I will have finished. I will have lived an entire life, and finished it. Or maybe I'll just leave it for a time and come back. How should I know?
In any case, spring is coming and my nose is thanking all the pollen. Construction has begun -- directly over my head -- and the sun is out a noticeable percentage of the time more than it used to be. The wind is doux, and you can feel the world starting to pick up it's winter-weary head and sniff the air. I was here for fall, for winter. Now for spring, and soon -- summer.
A nice full circle. A complete life.
I do seem to go through them.
As the title suggests, I've now been in Paris over six months. If I actually stop to think and calculate -- it's been six months and twelve days, or in other words, exactly 195 days. That's not forever, nor is it a short time. In a lifetime, it's nothing, of course, but I consider it a good lifetime anyway.
While I don't do it very often, I have adopted the Parisian habit of having a cigarette and contemplating life -- sometimes just stepping out on the balcony just before the sun goes down and watching the sky change while the cigarette burns away -- it's a very zen moment, shall we say. Well, today I was taking a smoke break; I should have been working, but was instead waiting for my computer to load the latest Glee episode, and was out on the balcony --- and had a moment.
It struck me suddenly how far away Paris used to be to me. I remembered this summer, thinking about how far and exotic Paris was and would be. How stressful the visa process was, and how I used to freak out -- quietly or otherwise -- whenever I thought about how soon I was leaving, and for how long. It just seemed strange to me, in that moment, now so deeply entrenched in the Parisian life -- how far away it used to be.
Sometimes I remember conversations I had before I left and I have to remind myself that they were in English. Yes, it's strange, and I notice it -- I think, no wait, that was in English. That was before I spoke French daily and the vast majority of my conversations were in my natural tongue -- and somehow, that seems really strange to me now. Sometimes even here I have to remind myself that the people talking French to each other are actually talking in their natural language. Invariably, I think about when I'll have to do that, and it always seems strange.
Yesterday I called the toll free number on student universe to officially change my plane ticket from May 31st to August 1st. I got a recording saying that due to the tsunami in Japan their phone services are limited. What Japan has to do with student universe is beyond me, and makes me quite apprehensive for when I actually DO get on the phone with a representative -- somebody, no doubt, in Japan -- but it's no big deal, I can wait. It just seemed like a big step -- official. By the time I leave, it will be eleven full months.
And now? Is Paris far away?
It's far in the sense that I have to calculate somewhere between 6-8 hours of time change if I want to talk to my family or friends. It's far in that it's now been a REALLY long time since I've seen these people, and while with Skype it's like they're just on the other side of the screen, hiding behind your computer -- it's not the same. I had a friend from Columbia in town this weekend and there is nothing like having them there, real and breathing and just taking up space, moving the air. In that way, yes, I suppose it's far.
But these days I can't imagine being anywhere else. It's like sometimes I think about where Paris is on the map and how I'm practically on the other side of the world from where I grew up -- but it doesn't matter anymore. The people I'm surrounded by have been here, for the most part, their whole lives, and so have I. It's like I can't conceptualize the distance between me and where home used to be, but all I know is I'm here and living here is as easy as breathing.
Thank god I wasn't ever tempted to go just for the semester.
One thing about having a time limit -- something I know far, far, far too well -- is that no matter what you're doing, it stays with you. Or at least, it tries to. It's like the more fun you have, you know the harder it will be to leave. And so I suppose I have the choice -- but for me it's not a choice. If I leave my soul behind in Paris, well, then so be it. But it's true that sometimes I have trouble not thinking about it -- about the fact that February absolutely vanished on me and now we're halfway through March and I'm now over half done with my time here. Booking my flight for August 1st means that on August 1st I'll be boarding a giant ass jet with two giant ass suitcases that can't possibly hold my life here. It means that life goes on.
Before I left, I sometimes had the strange thought that the people I know won't recognize me when I come back. Of course that's not true, but recently I've been thinking that, in some ways, it's true. The girl who I was when I left will never come back, because she doesn't exist anymore. The one who's coming back -- well, you'll see. She'll the same person you always knew, but she's nothing like her. It's hard to explain.
I think I've said this before, but sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to build a life somewhere and then finish it --- instead of leaving when the bloom is just on the rose, so to speak. But I guess that's not really fair -- because maybe on August 1st, I will have finished. I will have lived an entire life, and finished it. Or maybe I'll just leave it for a time and come back. How should I know?
In any case, spring is coming and my nose is thanking all the pollen. Construction has begun -- directly over my head -- and the sun is out a noticeable percentage of the time more than it used to be. The wind is doux, and you can feel the world starting to pick up it's winter-weary head and sniff the air. I was here for fall, for winter. Now for spring, and soon -- summer.
A nice full circle. A complete life.
I do seem to go through them.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A Week in Avignon, just for variety's sake
The pictures are up on my photobucket if you care to check them out. The sun was out and it looks warm in the pictures, but it wasn't, because the Mistral blows in from the North and cuts into your bones. It funnels through the ancient, one-car streets with tiny sidewalks if at all, and the old walls. Everything feels like it's been preserved since the Middle Ages, the Palais des papes still as majestic as it might have been, the churches, even the houses, especially the streets. The sun bleaches everything white and colors, the blue sky contrasting sharply with the lines of the buildings. It's beautiful -- I shouldn't have to say that.
What can I tell you about what I was doing there?
In theory: dancing. Well, not just in theory -- I had a class every day for 3 hours. In the evenings, I saw a show and went out for drinks or ate with friends. In the mornings I went exploring, slept in, or had meetings about my research project.
That's the simple version, at least. I found my demons there and had a bit of an incident involving them, then spent the rest of the time finding my way away from them. I went down, then up. I met people, and talked. I went looking for my center, and for dance that means something. The time went so quickly and yet I felt like I was gone for ages. I shared a two bedroom apartment with seven others. I didn't see a lot of dance in the shows I liked. I wondered what the hell I was doing there, and I figured it out. I went out dancing with my friends and my teachers and spent the night listening to swing music in a bar run, from what I gathered, by the Russian mafia, or at least had some connection to Russians and the mafia. I went to a bar where they bring you fries and hot dogs all night. I sat and ate lunch in the Jardin des doms and watched pigeons chase each other around. I was sick all week, though I'm now convinced it was allergies.
My god, it's already the ninth of March. We just started March, right? Or February? Time has entered warp speed. It's almost spring, right? I can't say I'll be sorry to say goodbye to winter. Gray skies-- I've had enough. Bring on the sun, the warmth, the gold bathing the streets. In five weeks it'll be spring break. I've been here six months and a couple weeks.
One of these days I'll learn how to build lives and then stay in them, instead of leaving them while they're still pulsing and creating.
Or maybe I'll just keep on creating new ones, passing from one to another, keeping what I can from the old -- but that's the tricky part, of course.
I'm sorry for the randomness of this post -- my head is a little everywhere right now. The sky outside my window is looking dangerously like rain and it's not been the best of days. I'm not en forme, as they'd say in French. Hey, it happens. I've been exhausted ever since I got home from Avignon -- I didn't sleep a ton when I was there, and neither over the weekend. Since the high school was on academic holiday for two weeks before I left, it was essentially three weeks of vacation --- and now it all restarts, with interest. Rehearsals on saturdays for my show in April, a research project, another project with my sister, various odds and ends. It looks like more than it is, I'm sure.
...Yeah that's all I have for now. I will attempt to update when I know where my own head is.
What can I tell you about what I was doing there?
In theory: dancing. Well, not just in theory -- I had a class every day for 3 hours. In the evenings, I saw a show and went out for drinks or ate with friends. In the mornings I went exploring, slept in, or had meetings about my research project.
That's the simple version, at least. I found my demons there and had a bit of an incident involving them, then spent the rest of the time finding my way away from them. I went down, then up. I met people, and talked. I went looking for my center, and for dance that means something. The time went so quickly and yet I felt like I was gone for ages. I shared a two bedroom apartment with seven others. I didn't see a lot of dance in the shows I liked. I wondered what the hell I was doing there, and I figured it out. I went out dancing with my friends and my teachers and spent the night listening to swing music in a bar run, from what I gathered, by the Russian mafia, or at least had some connection to Russians and the mafia. I went to a bar where they bring you fries and hot dogs all night. I sat and ate lunch in the Jardin des doms and watched pigeons chase each other around. I was sick all week, though I'm now convinced it was allergies.
My god, it's already the ninth of March. We just started March, right? Or February? Time has entered warp speed. It's almost spring, right? I can't say I'll be sorry to say goodbye to winter. Gray skies-- I've had enough. Bring on the sun, the warmth, the gold bathing the streets. In five weeks it'll be spring break. I've been here six months and a couple weeks.
One of these days I'll learn how to build lives and then stay in them, instead of leaving them while they're still pulsing and creating.
Or maybe I'll just keep on creating new ones, passing from one to another, keeping what I can from the old -- but that's the tricky part, of course.
I'm sorry for the randomness of this post -- my head is a little everywhere right now. The sky outside my window is looking dangerously like rain and it's not been the best of days. I'm not en forme, as they'd say in French. Hey, it happens. I've been exhausted ever since I got home from Avignon -- I didn't sleep a ton when I was there, and neither over the weekend. Since the high school was on academic holiday for two weeks before I left, it was essentially three weeks of vacation --- and now it all restarts, with interest. Rehearsals on saturdays for my show in April, a research project, another project with my sister, various odds and ends. It looks like more than it is, I'm sure.
...Yeah that's all I have for now. I will attempt to update when I know where my own head is.
Friday, February 25, 2011
A Day in the Life, Thursday 24 Fèvrier
Wednesday hadn't been a good day. It had started with a couple of gypsy girls ambushing me at the ATM, pressing buttons, changing the amount I was requesting, and generally trying to distract me long enough to get the cash and my card and run. I yowled and thankfully there was a guy nearby who came over to chase them away -- they had demanded 300 euros, which surprisingly enough I don't have in my account at the moment, so finally in peace I got my 30 euros and went on my way, somewhat upset and shocked. The rest of the day wasn't bad, so to speak, just not great, and a few personal demons decided to show up and grab me around the throat...
Put it this way, Thursday morning wasn't particularly welcome. My alarm went off at 9am, not very early, I know. But oh lovely, the nose is stuffed up and it's gray AGAIN, this is going to be good...
But no matter what my state of mind, there is one thing that will always get me out of bed and on the metro, which is a dance class. So I dragged myself up and headed out to have some breakfast. Colette was eating at the same time and we chatted for awhile over coffee, until I realized I needed to go and put the car in gear.
I was just feeling scattered -- my mind and body tend to be really connected and the mini-breakdown of the night before was scattering my energy all over the place. Gray again, I was tired, slightly sick, and muttered various French curses on my way down the stairs.
On the metro, there was a cheerful guy with an accordion, speaking french with a heavy Arab accent and smiling. He played several bouncy tunes. I gave him a euro. It seemed a small price to pay for making me smile.
I wish I could say that I had an amazing ballet class and everything was better afterward, because that would make a good story. Only it's not true: I was off my balance the whole class, still outside of my body, and it was only the last combination of an hour and a half long class that I finally felt like I was centered. Better late than never, I guess. I felt slightly better but still frustrated as I headed back to the metro. The bums on the sidewalk all call out, "belle madamoiselle, une cigarette?" They all want cigarettes...no, I'm not interested. I ignored them all. Just easier that way, even though bumming cigarettes seems to be a national pastime.
I dropped by Reid Hall briefly to print a few things out, had a fight with the printer, and then walked home. I had lunch with Colette - the avocado I'd bought earlier in the week was absolutely perfect, the Maroccan strawberries that had been on sale were juicy and red and beautiful and really good with yogurt. Plus a "tradition", which is if possible better than a baguette, and life started to look up. Colette made some coffee and I had it with a chocolate eclair.
After all this activity, I was exhausted, and lay down for a little cat nap, which I have perfected. I slept 30/40 minutes, then kibitzed about the internet until 18h45 (6:45PM in other words)...then back on the metro.
Line 4 to Chatelet, line 1 to Franklin D Roosevelt, line 9 to Alma Marceau, where I met a friend and headed off to the Palais de Tokyo. Her idea -- apparently it has really nothing to do with Tokyo and is instead for contemporary art. Go figure.
When we got there, there were a bunch of people standing around in the lobby, as though waiting for something. Heartily confused, my friend and I bought tickets (1 euro each, not bad!), then asked the lady what was going on.
She pointed to a black box plopped in the middle of the lobby, roughly 6' X 6' X 6'. She said that there was a metal band inside, and in about five minutes they were going to open the door and reveal them.
Oh really?! We went over to the box and put our ears against it. Yep, you could hear vague pounding, but that was it. Right about then, the sound exploded as the guard swung open the front door, and sure enough! There was a metal band squashed inside. Four of them: drums, a bass, guitar, and a vocalist screaming into a microphone. Strange.
After that we actually went to the exhibit, which was even stranger. It was in the basement, in this enormous warehouse space, bare industrial walls and no lights -- the light came from the huge video projections on the wall. It was an exhibit about Amos Gitai and his father -- the films were all creations of Amos, often about his father's story. The projections really were enormous, and the sound from them was all mixed together and jumbled until you were right in front and then the one you were looking at took precedence. It was interesting -- though bizarre.
Back on the metro after that -- 9 to the 1 to the B, though I suggested the 4. I would have been right because the B was delayed, but there you go. We got off at St Michel and met another friend. Elena and I were hungry and grabbed a bucket of fries from nearby, then we headed off to a nearby bar, called The Gentleman, which is really nice. It was busy -- there was a soccer match on. However, we found a little table and crowded around it with a pint.
At the end of the first pint, Elena's boyfriend and a friend joined us and so the second pint came around, plus two more chairs around the tiny table. Five of us now, we spent another hour chattering. Although they could tell immediately that I wasn't French -- my accent gives it away, even though I speak really well -- the new additions didn't have any problem talking extremely quickly, and with the noise of the bar I really had to concentrate. However, I understood almost everything, which I was really happy about. I'd say I'm doing well if I can understand rapid fire French in a busy bar. (My accent, by the way, gets better with a little alcohol. Or at least, I talk quicker. They say you lose the editor...it's true).
We headed out a little past 11 and I went home and went to bed fairly soon after, but much happier and much more together. That is a fairly typical day at the end of the week, though usually I'm teaching. I move a lot -- I'm out about in Paris often, often with friends, always on the metro...and I love it.
However, I would be much happier if the sun would come out. Just for a little.
Put it this way, Thursday morning wasn't particularly welcome. My alarm went off at 9am, not very early, I know. But oh lovely, the nose is stuffed up and it's gray AGAIN, this is going to be good...
But no matter what my state of mind, there is one thing that will always get me out of bed and on the metro, which is a dance class. So I dragged myself up and headed out to have some breakfast. Colette was eating at the same time and we chatted for awhile over coffee, until I realized I needed to go and put the car in gear.
I was just feeling scattered -- my mind and body tend to be really connected and the mini-breakdown of the night before was scattering my energy all over the place. Gray again, I was tired, slightly sick, and muttered various French curses on my way down the stairs.
On the metro, there was a cheerful guy with an accordion, speaking french with a heavy Arab accent and smiling. He played several bouncy tunes. I gave him a euro. It seemed a small price to pay for making me smile.
I wish I could say that I had an amazing ballet class and everything was better afterward, because that would make a good story. Only it's not true: I was off my balance the whole class, still outside of my body, and it was only the last combination of an hour and a half long class that I finally felt like I was centered. Better late than never, I guess. I felt slightly better but still frustrated as I headed back to the metro. The bums on the sidewalk all call out, "belle madamoiselle, une cigarette?" They all want cigarettes...no, I'm not interested. I ignored them all. Just easier that way, even though bumming cigarettes seems to be a national pastime.
I dropped by Reid Hall briefly to print a few things out, had a fight with the printer, and then walked home. I had lunch with Colette - the avocado I'd bought earlier in the week was absolutely perfect, the Maroccan strawberries that had been on sale were juicy and red and beautiful and really good with yogurt. Plus a "tradition", which is if possible better than a baguette, and life started to look up. Colette made some coffee and I had it with a chocolate eclair.
After all this activity, I was exhausted, and lay down for a little cat nap, which I have perfected. I slept 30/40 minutes, then kibitzed about the internet until 18h45 (6:45PM in other words)...then back on the metro.
Line 4 to Chatelet, line 1 to Franklin D Roosevelt, line 9 to Alma Marceau, where I met a friend and headed off to the Palais de Tokyo. Her idea -- apparently it has really nothing to do with Tokyo and is instead for contemporary art. Go figure.
When we got there, there were a bunch of people standing around in the lobby, as though waiting for something. Heartily confused, my friend and I bought tickets (1 euro each, not bad!), then asked the lady what was going on.
She pointed to a black box plopped in the middle of the lobby, roughly 6' X 6' X 6'. She said that there was a metal band inside, and in about five minutes they were going to open the door and reveal them.
Oh really?! We went over to the box and put our ears against it. Yep, you could hear vague pounding, but that was it. Right about then, the sound exploded as the guard swung open the front door, and sure enough! There was a metal band squashed inside. Four of them: drums, a bass, guitar, and a vocalist screaming into a microphone. Strange.
After that we actually went to the exhibit, which was even stranger. It was in the basement, in this enormous warehouse space, bare industrial walls and no lights -- the light came from the huge video projections on the wall. It was an exhibit about Amos Gitai and his father -- the films were all creations of Amos, often about his father's story. The projections really were enormous, and the sound from them was all mixed together and jumbled until you were right in front and then the one you were looking at took precedence. It was interesting -- though bizarre.
Back on the metro after that -- 9 to the 1 to the B, though I suggested the 4. I would have been right because the B was delayed, but there you go. We got off at St Michel and met another friend. Elena and I were hungry and grabbed a bucket of fries from nearby, then we headed off to a nearby bar, called The Gentleman, which is really nice. It was busy -- there was a soccer match on. However, we found a little table and crowded around it with a pint.
At the end of the first pint, Elena's boyfriend and a friend joined us and so the second pint came around, plus two more chairs around the tiny table. Five of us now, we spent another hour chattering. Although they could tell immediately that I wasn't French -- my accent gives it away, even though I speak really well -- the new additions didn't have any problem talking extremely quickly, and with the noise of the bar I really had to concentrate. However, I understood almost everything, which I was really happy about. I'd say I'm doing well if I can understand rapid fire French in a busy bar. (My accent, by the way, gets better with a little alcohol. Or at least, I talk quicker. They say you lose the editor...it's true).
We headed out a little past 11 and I went home and went to bed fairly soon after, but much happier and much more together. That is a fairly typical day at the end of the week, though usually I'm teaching. I move a lot -- I'm out about in Paris often, often with friends, always on the metro...and I love it.
However, I would be much happier if the sun would come out. Just for a little.
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