Tuesday Night Chatter

Surprise!

Don't get used to it. It's been months since TNC was around regularly and probably won't be coming back. But today is Tuesday and I'm posting, so there you have it. I'll leave it up to you to decide if I should have taken a rain check.

I almost left this morning. I don't know where to. Anywhere would do, anywhere a one way ticket cost less than 300 dollars. I don't know why. It's never happened before. I found myself thinking of the King's birthday holiday coming up and thinking about where I could go, anywhere at all. Siem Reap, Thailand. Not here.

It's been happening ever since I got back. Re-entry shock became restlessness. Maybe it was the waiting, a conversation here or there, the moto accident I previously wrote about it, or just the fact of going back to what was before and then willfully choosing to come back here and dealing with the repercussions of it.

I'm quite interested by it, actually.  I've wanted to flee somewhere before (like Evergreen Colorado before college), but that time I was pretty clear, I wanted to flee to New York and university. This time it's kind of a throw-reason-to-the-wind-and-get-the-heck-out feeling.

But I'm not going to leave. The chances of me actually going to the airport and buying the next affordable ticket to wherever the hell it might be are pretty slim. So now what? Is this just re-entry shock? What happens now that I choose to stay and ride it out, and see where it leads me? What kind of changes do I need to make to make this work here? What's the right life for right now?

I have some ideas. Most of them involve getting a little more connected to the country and the people who live here -- Cambodian AND expat, the long term expats. Earning a hell of a lot more independence when I buy a motorcycle at the end of the month. Getting out of my solitary isolated life, which is just not at all good for me.

I think -- I know -- it will end up being a good thing. Wake up calls are good for that. And so is riding out the storm. It's furious in the middle, but the aftermath is calm, and lovely.