Life, tumbling along

Spring break is over, officially as of tomorrow morning at 9AM.

It seems very strange to me to be going back to school, classes, whatever it is I do on a daily basis. The break was no real break but a full, busy, insane mess of work and studio time, with a few late nights with friends because, sheesh, it's spring break. I spent 30+ hours in the studio and have the general feeling like I need another break from this one.

But it was life. It was life and it was full and now I can't imagine doing anything else. School -- like the midterm I have on wednesday and the fact that I never did write that paper for music hum I wanted to get out of the way -- is secondary, and mildly annoying.

I think they call that senioritis.

I started the week with a 24 hour fast, which I've never done before. I had noticed, some weeks previously, that eating had become an issue -- finding the time to eat, certainly, but I had also lost my desire to. Sure, I did it, because I know I need to, but nothing looked good, tasted good, and never really satisfied. Of course it didn't have to do with food, but the larger problem of nurture. We use food to nurture ourselves, to feed our souls as well as bodies, and I had simply lost that -- very important -- part of my life.

So I decided to stop eating for 24 hours and use the time to meditate about fulfillment and nourishment versus deprivation and figure out where I could find the nurture in my life. I turned off my internet and my phone.

It's funny: the best thing you can do for your appreciation of food is to not eat for a long time. Even just 24 hours.

It was a very, very good thing. It's interesting how in deprivation there's always fulfillment and vice versa -- another thought was that deprivation is now, not forever. It's only a state categorized by now, and has no bearing on any further nows. It's quite encouraging, actually.

In the mean time, life is moving quickly. Less than three weeks until I leave for Paris, and two months until graduation. Strange -- but so exciting. I've worked through all my anxieties about returning to Paris and have reached a state of delirious excitement. I just hope that the next couple weeks fly -- and with my life as crazy as it is, it should.

It's just like the title of this post. Life, tumbling along. Me, caught inside the now as it turns into the next now and the next after that, with 'after' somewhere between a dream and a reality. All I can do is walk in the direction I want to go, and assume that the path will arrange itself under my feet.